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  “To get you out of my head,” I replied, looking directly into her eyes.

  Shannon was not prepared for my response, and that reminded me that she did not know how I really felt about her.

  “I am married, Arien…”

  “Don’t remind me.”

  “I have to. As a matter of fact, I am very confused about what is going on here. I'm not sure what you want from me.”

  “I don’t want anything. There is nothing you can give me.”

  “Can or able to?”

  “Able to.”

  “What am I not able to?” she asked and I could not tell her because I did not want her to know that I was in love with her and wanted her for myself.

  “Shannon, just do what you do with your husband, and I will do what I do with my friends.”

  “Then don’t be angry with me,” she said tightly.

  “And you don’t fuck me then regret it,” I returned. “If you are going to do it and get all weird afterward because you broke a promise to your man, then don’t do it.”

  Shannon went silent because she knew I was right. I was upset with the situation and I was taking it out on her. The truth was, I would take a small piece of her than nothing at all. I knew she was hiding from Raj to be with me, and I appreciated every little moment with her, but I yearned for her so badly that I wanted more than she was able to give. This clearly was not the right situation for me and I needed to listen to my friends and get my life back to where it was when I was free and happy.

  The waiter arrived with our food and Shannon and I had not said a word until that moment.

  “Thank you for ordering for me, Ari,” Shannon said with a forced smile.

  “Maybe you should taste it first and see if you like it before offering your gratitude,” I replied with a smile to match.

  “Would rather taste you instead,” she said with a smile that wiped mine off my face. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

  She looked down at her salmon pecan salad and played around with it as I stared at her. I wanted nothing more than to take her home and make love to her, but I knew it would just be one more thing for her to regret. My phone started ringing and I was grateful for the distraction, however, when I saw the name, I wished it hadn’t rung.

  “Hello, Raj,” I greeted and Shannon’s head shot up.

  “Hey. What’s up?”

  “Nothing. You?”

  “I miss spending time with you,” he said.

  “Me too, but I understand. We’re all busy.”

  “I am busy, but what are you busy doing?”

  “I don’t have to share that with you,” I said, and I knew immediately he was wondering what the hell was going on.

  “Other than going to parties and hanging out with your friends, I don’t know of you having anything else to keep you busy.”

  “Then those are my reasons.”

  “You have been acting weird. What’s going on?”

  “Nothing. I’m having lunch with a friend, so I have to go.”

  “Sorry. Can I come by later so we could talk?” Raj asked.

  “Your wife wouldn’t like that,” I suggested, and I deliberately did not make eye contact with Shannon despite knowing she had stopped chewing and was staring at me.

  “Shannon doesn’t have any problem with me talking with you. It’s the sex that we agreed on.”

  “I see. Anyway, I have a party tonight so I don’t have time to chat. We’ll catch up after, preferably in your office to talk about what my father is harassing you about.”

  “Don’t get me started on him.”

  “I might have to change you as my lawyer, Raj…”

  “What?”

  “I’m making some changes in my life and our relationship is not good for business, so I'm thinking about it,” I said and I ate.

  “Where are you? I need to talk to you.”

  “I am having lunch. You can’t see me now.”

  “You are a major client, Arien...and my friend. Don’t do this,” he said sounding desperate.

  “I have to go. I’ll talk to you later,” I said and disconnected the call.

  I expected Shannon to have words for me, but she was silent. A quick glance on her face showed the anger and confusion she was feeling inside, but I did not care. I went to her house to have a good time and my fucking life has been turned upside down. I could not think straight anymore.

  “I’m ready to leave when you are,” Shannon said.

  “I’m eating.”

  “I said when you are.”

  I was eating, but I was not tasting the food. I also wanted to get away from her although I knew I painfully missed her when she was not by my side. However, I was unfairly angry at her and the situation I found myself in, but the biggest part of the problem was the fact that I was not used to this feeling, and I did not know what to do with myself.

  I could no longer swallow with her staring at me and not eating, so I called the waiter over and requested that my bill be sent to my mother’s account.

  “Let’s go,” I said to Shannon and walked away as she hurried to keep up with my brisk pace.

  I got to the car before her and waited for her to join me. I waited for her to ask what the hell was going on, and I was grossly disappointed when she said nothing. I drove with my ears on alert to hear her voice, but she did not speak, and when I got to her car in the parking lot of my apartment, she got out without saying a word.

  I watched as she walked to her car, got in, and sped out of the complex. I closed my eyes and allowed the tears to run down my face. Crying was so unfamiliar to me that it hurt more than it would any other human. I was sure of it. No one else could hurt this bad from crying. I tried to drive off to get to the residents' parking, but I had to stop because my eyes were blinded by tears, and I was crying so hard that I could not breathe.

  I rested my head on the steering wheel and emptied my heart. I never knew I could feel like this and it seemed impossible that I would ever be better unless Shannon was mine. My phone rang and I prayed that it was her, but it was just Casey, so I ignored the call. My mother called after, but I could not let her hear me like this, so I did not answer her either. I took my chances and drove out of the parking lot and entered the underground resident parking. I wiped my eyes and exited the car, ignoring the greeting of the security guards as I hurried to the elevator. As soon as I got inside my apartment, I went into my bedroom and release the remainder of my pain into the pillows of the beautifully made bed.

  I prayed for sleep to take me over, but it never came. However, as time passed I realized that the more I cried the better I felt, which eased the pain in my heart. After about an hour, my tears had finally run out, but the ache was still there so I started to come up with a plan to rid me of all the hurt and to try to put my life back on track. I got out of bed and went into my closet to see what I would be wearing to the party tonight. I found a pair of black leather pants with a matching halter top. Usually, I wouldn’t wear pants to a party like this, but I tried it once and it felt so erotic to be fucked from behind with my pants just below my ass. I thought I would try that this time. The more raw and dirty, the better it would be to take my mind off Shannon.

  It was a little early, but I went into the shower to start getting ready for Mia to pick me up. I started to feel a lot better and was starting to accept that Shannon was not for me; she belonged to someone else, and as long as I kept pining after her, the more pain I would cause myself. Anyway, she was mad at me and left without saying a word. She didn’t call either, so I was not expecting to hear her voice again because I had no plans of calling her. It was too much for me, and it was time to move on.

  I got dressed an hour too early, but I needed to feel like I was doing something. I decided to call my mother because that would chop off at least forty-five minutes of my wait time.

  “Look who took a moment from her busy schedule to give her mother a call,” she greeted.

  “Hi
, Mom. You know I’m really busy…”

  “I know you are, dear. I would just like you to tell me a few of the things that keep you so busy,” she said and I rolled my eyes, glad she was not around me to see it.

  “I don’t want to get into it. Why can’t I just call and you be pleasant? If you tried that maybe I would be inclined to call more often.”

  “I asked a simple question, but you don’t seem to have an answer, Arien Elizabeth.”

  I hated it when she did that.

  “Fine. I have a very active social life, so I don’t always have time for your attacks, Mom. You know I love you more than anything in this world, and spending time away from you does not change that.”

  “I’m not questioning your love for me, dear. I would never do that, however, I would love to see you more often than once every two weeks,” she said, and I felt bad because I had no idea that two weeks had passed since I last saw her.

  “I’m sorry, Mommy. I’ll do better.”

  “You say that every time, and I’ve always believed you. I’m going to do the same this time and hope that one day it will finally happen,” she said with a sigh. “So how are you, my dear?”

  “I’m OK.”

  “Are you going out tonight?”

  “Yes. I have a party.”

  “Aren’t you done having fun, Arien?” she asked with concern in her voice. “You are thirty-two years old, and I am all for you having fun, but when are you going to think about a husband and children? Is this how you are going to live for the rest of your life?”

  “If that’s what makes me happy.”

  “What about your father and I? Our happiness is of no importance to you?”

  “Yes, but it shouldn’t come at my expense.”

  “I blame us for how you are. You are spoilt and entitled. We did a poor job at raising you,” she complained, and I regretted calling her, although it would come sooner or later. “You have shown no interest in the family business, and I have to sit and listen every night while your father complained about the way you abandon everything that…”

  “Mom! Mom! Please,” I put a stop to the lecture. “I can’t take this. I’m late. I have to go. I love you.”

  “I’m talking to you, Arien.”

  “I know, but I would like to do this another time. Please,” I begged and hoped that she would let me off the hook.

  “OK. Go ahead but you need to visit.”

  “I will. I promise,” I said and was happy when she accepted that and got off the phone.

  I took a moment to calm my nerves then got up to drink a glass of water. My mother came at me hard, but at least it helped me to not think about Shannon for a while which gave me more time to be mentally prepared for my night. If I was lucky, I would get off a few times tonight then I could sleep all day tomorrow and wake up the next day with a clear picture of how to proceed with my life without Shannon. I wanted that more than anything because I had no intention of spending my life yearning for someone I could never have, who would make me cry the way I did earlier. I was rich, I had my parents, I had my friends, and I was never short of sex. There was nothing else I needed. Absolutely nothing.

  Chapter 9

  Mia introduced me to the host of the party. It was someone I met before at the annual Sangster’s Island Bash, but the name wasn’t familiar when Mia told me. Heidi immediately recognized me and greeted me with a hug and a promise of a fantastic night ahead, which was the reason I was there. She summoned one of the girls dressed in white feathers to take me to the VIP room and to ensure that I had a drink.

  It was difficult to go to these social events and not meet at least one person I knew. I was greeted by a couple whom I was sure I once had a threesome with, but no one kept a record in these circles. They did not care who saw them at these sex parties because everyone had something to hide and was there for the same reason, therefore, it was not in their interest to share such information. No recording devices were allowed, so we had to leave our phones and all other electrical devices in a secure locker by the door.

  I continued with my escort into the VIP room which was massive and had leather couches around the entire room. It seemed as if some of the guests had decided not to wait on the party because at least two couples were already having sex while others ignored them and sip on their expensive champagne.

  I was not quite sure of the nature of the party, whether or not it was going straight into the action or if there would be dancing and entertainment before it began. Either way, I was ready. I was already leaking and ready for some action.

  The moment I walked into the room, a few men seemed ready to jump off their seats. Some of these men were probably people I had sex with at some point but had no recollection of it. Whenever I attended these events, I always made sure I was protected and that was the only concern I had. Everything else went according to how I was feeling at the moment.

  “Would you like to be left alone for a moment?” my escort asked as she noticed a few men got up from their seats.

  “Yes,” I said because I would like to scan the room and see who else was showing up. I was never the type to get the party started, but I would definitely join in.

  The woman raised her hands and the men stopped in their tracks and returned to their seat.

  “Testing is through that door if you’re interested,” the escort said.

  “No, thank you.”

  “OK. Emergency buttons are all over,” she said pointing to red buttons on the walls. “So let us know if you need us to come to you.”

  “Thank you,” I said and she nodded and left the room as another feathered woman offered me a glass of champagne.

  I sat and observed the room, and for the first time, I wondered how did I become comfortable with this. No one seemed concerned that soon they would become naked and fucking in the presence of strangers. Not only that, they would be fucking with strangers, yet they were laughing and happy, not showing any signs of concern.

  There were two couples who were already having sex when I walked in, and they were still going at it. The man was sitting on the sofa and the woman was sitting on his dick with her skirt over her hips. He held on to her ass as she bounced on him, but her skirt was hanging over her ass that no one could see him inside her. I allowed my eyes to travel to the other couple who were not very far away from the ones I was looking at first. He was fucking the blonde from behind with his clothes still on and his dick through his zipper. He was hammering so hard, but the sound of the music drowned the sound of her cries.

  The blonde had her face on the leather sofa with her ass in the air. There was a woman looking at them as she sipped her champagne, and based on how the man was looking back at her, told me that she was his wife or partner. I noticed the ring on her finger when she switched the wine glass to the other hand. She was his wife. He looked at her and smiled and she returned it then started squeezing her breasts. It made me think of Shannon and if that was how she felt when she was watching Raj.

  I promised myself that I would not think about her. I was here to free my mind and not let Shannon throw my life off the happy course it was on before she came into my life. Technically, she was in my life for the past three years because I was sleeping with her husband, but we never interacted. I tried to focus on something else and noticed that the room had started to fill up. Usually, I would be swarmed by men, but something on my face was warning them to stay away.

  There was an announcement over the surround sound and everyone stopped to listen, even the couples who were still going at it.

  “Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming. Actually, you should be thanking me for having you because tonight is all about you having fun. Please be reminded that we are all adults and we should be responsible and respectful of each other’s wishes. You know if you are blacklisted from my party then you will be blacklisted from just about every other party in these parts. You were specially picked to be here because I believe in your integrity and
your ability to keep our business confidential. There are three testing rooms, use them if you need to. There are security guards placed outside the doors and emergency buttons located inside the three main party rooms. Those who are here to party, meet in the ballroom, and those who are here to explore their sexual wild side, find yourselves in VIP rooms 1, 2, and 3, according to your placement. Have fun, everyone. Let’s get the party started!”

  The music returned and people started making their moves. There was no mad rush, as was customary with all the parties I had attended, however, people were getting close to each other. I did not move. A woman walked over and held out her hand to me with a pretty smile on her face. I took it. She pulled me into her arms to dance, and I knew I would be walking away from her any second. It was too intimate, and I didn’t want it to make me think of Shannon.

  “My husband sent me over to you,” she whispered in my ear. “He’s too scared to come over; afraid you’ll say no. He has been watching you since the moment you walked in.”

  I felt better about the conversation because it had gone in the direction I wanted it to.

  “Then tell him to come over,” I replied in hers.

  “He wants all of you. Can he have all of you?”

  “Depends on what is all,” I replied because it was always good to know; a bad move could ruin the night.

  She looked at my wrist and saw that I did not have on a test band like she did. Whenever anyone wanted to go bareback, they got tested and examined, then a band is placed on their wrists to show that they were good to go. I usually didn’t because I had no intention of going without protection. If someone had on the band and wanted to take their chances with me, then I would consider it but most people didn’t.

  “Sorry. I guess he has to cover up.”

  “Why don’t you go to the test room then it could just be us for the night.”

  “I am here to get as many samples and I can. I have no plans of sticking with only one.”

  “We’ll take it,” she pulled back and smiled at me. “He wants you bad.”

  We didn’t offer names at these parties because we had no plans of being social beyond these walls. The brunette raised her hand to summon this handsome guy who sent his wife as bait to get me. He smiled and walked over and we all returned to the sofa. I was in the middle and the woman sat back looking at us. I took it that she had no plans of participating except to watch her man fuck me.