The Business Trip Page 9

“What? You don’t want to?”

  “No. I don’t want a second child.”

  “But if you changed your mind then we should talk about it because I would like us to have another baby,” Sydney was clearly disappointed in this conversation.

  “Then you have it. I am not mentally, emotionally or physically capable of carrying a baby right now so if you feel like you want another one then go ahead.”

  “But that’s not what we agreed.”

  “We didn’t agree with you fucking two women behind my back either! Did you tell them that? When you were putting up my family and friends against me did you tell them that!” I shouted and finally I turned to look at Erika whose mouth fell wide open. “Leave my house. Right now!”

  “No! Erika, please stay. This is my house too and you are welcome here anytime.”

  “No. I should go,” she said and was out the front door.

  With anger still raging through me, I walked away from Sydney and into my office. For the first time I wished that I was a drinker. I would have emptied a bottle of something strong and harsh just to drown out my pain. I removed my jacket and threw it over the chair in front of my desk then laid down on the sofa. I should have been getting ready to go on my date with Sydney but Erika being here upset me.

  Erika was no doubt speaking with my mother and possibly the entire family about how evil I was for wanting to leave my family to chase after some woman. They never stopped to listen that this was not just ‘some woman’. Alison is my soulmate. What if I had met her earlier...before Sydney? Before I had a family? Everything would be perfect. But that was not the case. My soulmate entered my life after I was married and settled into a relationship. Life had just played a fucking number on me!

  I closed my eyes hoping for sleep to rescue me so that I could just get a moment where I was free from my thoughts. I didn’t want to dream either...just a moment of nothing. My phone rang and I remembered that I was to call Alison when she was settled in bed.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, babe. Can you talk?”

  “Yes. I can.”

  “Sounds like you are in bed.”

  “I am just lying down in my office.”

  “OK. How did your meeting go?” She asked sounding relaxed and comfortable not knowing that her world was about to come crashing down.

  “It went well. I appointed a manager for the business and taken my indefinite leave of absence until I decide what I am going to do about it. I may sell it.”

  “I thought your wife wanted to take everything. Has she changed her mind?”

  “Yes.”

  “What is the new arrangement?”

  I didn’t want to take too long to reply because she will read a lot into that.

  “We are still working that out.”

  “You need to hurry along because time is running out. You only have nine days before I pick you up,” she said.

  “I miss you so much,” I breathed heavily. “I wish I could just hold you, if only for a moment.”

  “Oh baby, me too. But soon we be together forever and you won’t have to miss me again and you will be able to hold me as often as you want.”

  “Have you ever cheated on me?” I asked Alison, knowing the answer because she only wanted me.

  “Are you serious about that question?” She laughed. “I have been home sleeping alone while you stay warm beside your wife. How could you ask me a question like that, Logan? This is not a game to me so why would I sleep with someone else when you are the only one who can make me truly feel what it means to come alive? Everyone else will be mediocre so why waste time with them?” she asked but I did not respond because I knew better than to ask that question. “I couldn’t ask you that question because you continued to have sex with your wife and I couldn’t do anything about that because she held rank over me, but I will ask you now. Since you told her that you are coming to New York to be with me, have you had sex with her?”

  “No I have not.”

  “Has she tried?”

  “Yes.”

  “I can’t wait for you to get here so that I am not so worried.”

  “What are you worried about?”

  “A few things. Mainly that you may say to me that you will not be able to come or ending our relationship or sleeping with Sydney...any number of things.”

  “Ali, I love you so much, do you believe me when I say that?”

  “Every word,” she said and I heard sniffles.

  “Ali…” I called her name and she started to cry.

  “Logan...please don’t leave me. Please come...I swear to God I will die if you don’t want me anymore.”

  “I will always want you, Ali,” I cried too. “I don’t want to hurt you. Please believe me.”

  “Then don’t hurt me! Don’t fucking hurt me, Logan!” she shouted through tears and disconnected the call.

  I sat up on the sofa and cried. My chest was hurting so bad and I could hardly breathe. I said I would never cry again and here I am despite my best efforts. I felt like I was having a panic attack and rushed out the office to the kitchen to get a paper bag from the drawer and breathed in and out into the bag.

  “Are you OK?”

  “No, Sydney. I am not OK.”

  “Is there anything I can do?” She asked shakily.

  “No. There is nothing anyone can do,” I said walking past her to go back with my paper bag to my office.

  As I was passing her she grabbed me and slammed me into the wall and her tongue was in my mouth. She held me in place and pulled my shirt from my pants and pushed her hand up along my bare skin up over my breasts. I held her head and deepened our kiss. I moaned in her mouth because now I was not able to breathe so I pulled my lips away.

  “I can’t breathe, Syd.”

  “It’s OK. Here,” she said and returned the bag to my mouth. “How about that date?”

  I nodded and she took my hand and led me upstairs. Sydney removed my clothes and helped me into the shower while she returned to the bedroom to pick out something for me to wear. As I showered I thought about Alison. I did not want to go there but my mind would not obey and I am left with no choice. No matter where I tried to take it, it somehow found its way back to her.

  I don’t want to hurt you, Alison.

  Then don’t! Don’t fucking hurt me!

  Those were our last words and they told me she did not like the tone of our conversations and it was leading to her believe that bad news was coming. She was trying to be hopeful but doubt was starting to seep in.

  I got dressed and headed for our dinner. When we arrived, we were late for our reservation but we were seated and before long our meal arrived. I started to feel grateful that Sydney decided to put aside my outburst in front of Erika and took me to the date anyway. She had always been so understanding, forgiving and supportive. I looked at her beautiful face and I knew that she was mine and it was my responsibility to keep her safe and happy just like she had done for me all these years. We were going through a difficult moment that we were not prepared for. We thought our world would continue to be happy and drama free.

  My actions had led her into the arms of two women and each time it crossed my mind, I felt sick but I also knew that it was selfish of me to not expect that she felt the same way for months.

  “Syd, I don’t want you working at that school anymore,” that came out without thought.

  “What?” she stopped chewing and had a look of confusion as if she had no idea where that was coming from.

  “I don’t feel comfortable with you working at the school where you lover works. I am going to be thinking all day that you have her in your office having sex.”

  “Baby, when I tell you that you have nothing to worry about with her, I mean it. We both knew it was therapy and nothing more. I already spoke to her about it and she said reminded me that there was an understanding from the beginning. Sylvia meant more to me than she did so Julie is the last person to worry about.”

&n
bsp; “You promise.”

  “I swear to you,” she said but I know my mind is going to go there. “Tell you what, I will apply to Charlston where I would love to get a job. I did before but I was not called so I am going to try again and if I am successful then I will leave so you don’t have to worry about that.”

  I smiled and loved how easily she always tried to give me whatever I wanted as long as it was no harm. I really loved my wife and wished that this whole thing with Alison did not happen.

  “How about Sylvia?”

  “She has taken it hard because we did not have an agreement but I think I allowed her to fall too deep knowing that I would never be with her.”

  “But you gave her a necklace with half of your heart,” I said sadly.

  “No. She gave it to me,” she replied. “Logan, I told you why I did it and it helped me when you were gone to New York. It gave me something to look forward to and help me cope with what you were doing but that is not what I wanted. I want my family.”

  “You said it only happened when I was in New York?”

  “Only then. She wanted to see me other times but I would give excuses and I only reach out to her when you were there.”

  “She sometimes substitutes for Miss Catherine and Taila will be in her class, I swear to God, if she takes any revenge out on my child I will rip her to fucking shreds. You make sure to tell her that!” I said hitting the table, rattling the utensils on the table.

  “Baby, baby, nothing like that will happen. She is not a crazy person. She is hurt but she is not evil besides, I would beat you to her shredding if she ever did anything like that. She knows better and besides she is already terrified of you. I am more concerned about her spoiling Taila just to prevent you coming to her.”

  “So I don’t need to go to her? I hope she doesn’t say a word to me because if she does I can’t promise that…”

  “Baby, please,” she pleaded. “The night when you came back and saw Sylvia in our home crying, I was scared to death because I was expecting you to attack but you exercise such restraint and you have no idea how grateful and proud I was of you. I am begging you to do the same in future if you should ever be in her company, for Taila’s sake. Please. It is over and it is never going to happen again.”

  “If something should ever happen that you are not happy about, please speak to me and not make things worse by adding to the problem,” I advised.

  “I promise. From now on, I will. That was new to me and unexpected so I didn’t know how to deal with it because I was scared that I was going to lose you,” she said and her eyes got teary.

  “No...baby. Please don’t…”

  “I’m OK,” she tried to smile.

  “I made an appointment for a therapist for me.”

  “I am your therapist. You know we can talk about anything.”

  “I know, babe, but it is not fair to unload all I am feeling on you. You know most of it but I will need someone else who I will not feel guilty about dumping my crap on.”

  “OK, honey. Whatever you want. When will you start?”

  “In ten days,” I replied. “I want to dance with you. Will you dance with me?”

  Sydney got up and held out her hand. I took it and we walked to the dance floor. She floated into my arms and I buried my face in her beautiful brown hair that smelled of sweet blossom. Her face caressed mine and I remembered our wedding day, how loved and amazing she made me feel. I smiled at the memory and got lost in the moment as our bodies swayed to the slow, romantic classical music.

  Sydney looked in my eyes and I looked in hers. Strong, forgiving, loving, intelligent, safe eyes and I saw all that I needed in them. I didn’t need to be greedy. I didn’t need the majestic splendor and immense exhilaration that Alison and I would bring each other. It was impossible to think about her without pain so I need to keep my eyes focused on Sydney and Taila because they were my life raft. They were the only ones who could keep me from drowning.

  CHAPTER 7

  Taila was so excited about my new role of taking her to school in the mornings and going back to pick her up. I was beginning to know everyone she knew and I realized just how much I was missing out on. When we were at the park yesterday having our ice-cream and she was running around and trying to make friends with the other children, I realized how much she needed a brother or sister. Sydney had not brought the topic up again after my explosion that night with Erika there and I had just swept it under the rug but seeing Taila playing with the other children made me start thinking about it again. I was in no shape to carry a baby and it seemed unfair to ask Sydney to go again especially after the difficult one she had with Taila.

  I got home after dropping Taila off at school and noticed that Sydney had already left for work. Loneliness set in but I fought through it and got some breakfast. As I sat eating cereal with a bowl of fruits, I saw a teardrop fall to the table. I had no idea that I was crying but the tears told me I was. Only three days to go before Alison leaves for the airport to get me and I have not spoken to her in two days but our last conversation gave her nothing to indicate that I will not be there on Saturday.

  When I last spoke with Alison she told me she had clear out half the closet in her bedroom but there was an additional room where she had clothes that we could also share. I listened to her excited about our new life together and I opened my mouth several times to tell her that I have decided to stay with my family but I was afraid to deal with the hurt that I was going to cause her. Since then I have not returned any of her calls and she left no messages. Her last text message read:

  I don’t want to read too much from your silence because I don’t want to face the possibility so I would appreciate if you were more direct and not leave me any clues. Unless I hear otherwise from you, I will be waiting at the airport on Saturday.

  I am so fucked! I knew better. I had to tell Alison but I was not clueless to the devastation my words or actions will cause and I did not want to hear it. I did not want to hear her cries; it would certainly kill me.

  The doorbell sounded and I went to open the door. My mother, father, sister, brother and Erika walked in. Clearly they have teamed up to come here to do what? To tell me that I had their support? Too late.

  I didn’t invite them in but they all force their way past me, greeting me by giving me a kiss or a hug.

  “What are you all doing here?” I asked.

  “We are worried about you, honey,” my father said and took my hand leading me to the sofa.

  “Logan, we know how hard it has been for you lately and I am very proud of you for doing the right thing. I don’t want you to think that because we do not agree with certain things that you do, means we don’t love you or you are not family. We are here for you, sweetheart,” my mother said.

  “Why are you shutting us out, Logi?” my older sister asked. “We miss you and Taila coming around and my kids kept asking for her.”

  I listened as they spoke and their voices became a hum.

  “Logan?”

  I looked at them and Erika was crying. She has never cried. I was the water basket but she was tough. I knew they all loved me but I could not feel it. I needed them to understand and they could not even give me that.

  “You don’t get it,” I managed softly. “You don’t understand. With everything that I have done right and everything I had done wrong, I always thought I had my family. You are all here now because you have learnt that Sydney had cheated as well, that is the only thing that caused you to take a step back from disowning me. I fell deeply in love, it was not a joke, it was not a thing, it was something major in my life. I would probably make the same decision to stay with my family but I didn’t need you all abandoning me if I didn’t. I want you to love me unconditionally and I am not interested in anything less,” I cried and ran to my office locking the door then I laid on the sofa and cried until I fell asleep.

  I jumped up from sleep to realize that I had only half an hour to go get Taila then I
remember the gang that had come earlier to convince me of my importance to them. They shouldn’t have to convince me, I should know. I slowly opened the door and they were not there. I looked outside and their cars were gone, to my relief, so I freshened up and went to get Taila.

  When I got to the school and was heading to her class I saw Sylvia she was talking to someone and didn’t see me so I hurried toward her while I heard Sydney in my head telling me to stop.

  She ended her conversation with the parent and turned to leave when she saw me. Sylvia started to hurry away but I caught up and stepped in front of her.

  “Can we please speak somewhere private?” She asked afraid of my response and to avoid the other parents from hearing what I had to say.