Save Me Page 7

  "I don't understand how this could've happened," Smore said scratching her thick curls that framed her beautiful face.

  They were my friends who were seeing me walking down a dangerous path and were trying to get me away from it. I loved them, and I hoped that I could trust them to get me to do the right thing. Shannon was Raj's wife, and I would be destroying his home. He loved Shannon with his whole heart, despite the unusual marriage they had. I could never do this to him when he was just innocently looking for excitement in the bedroom with his wife.

  As my friend talked among themselves about some sort of intervention, a text came in.

  I miss your voice, and your face, and your body. Can't wait to see you.

  That brought a smile to my face. Then another one came in.

  Delete all communication between us immediately after. He doesn't usually check my phone, but you never know. I miss you so much.

  With shaky fingers, I responded.

  I will. I miss you too.

  Her message reaffirmed what my friends were saying. This was no way to live. We had to be hiding a text message. This could go nowhere, therefore, it was a waste of my time and emotions. I should live my life, and if we happened to get together, then that would be awesome. I needed to fight my feelings for her and not let it be a trap for me.

  "I'll be at the party," I said.

  "Great!" they all shouted.

  No one mentioned a word about the situation with Shannon for the rest of the time they were there. It was as if it didn't happen. I laughed and talked about all the crazy things we did or planned on doing, but the whole time Shannon was in my thoughts. I tried to shake her, but I just couldn't. The feelings were stronger than me, and I had to smile and laugh with my friends who had no idea that my love for Shannon was crippling me inside.

  Chapter 6

  The whole night I tossed and turned. Imagines of Shannon had hijacked my sleep, and they were not all wonderful. Some were of tears running down her face, and some were of her falling into an abyss and I could not save her. This was true of what we were doing because we were hiding and communicating, and that was a sign that we were doing something wrong.

  Shannon and I had exchanged a number of messages before we went to bed, and they were about the longing to be in each other’s company. She had given no indication that she was in love with me, but she had a desperate desire to be with me. Not sexually. Just to be in my company. I had never given her any indication that I was in love with her either, but she knew that I had the same desires she had. I picked up my phone and read her last message to me.

  Goodnight, beautiful. I have to find a way to get to you tomorrow. Don’t make any plans. Can’t wait to see you.

  I smiled and sat up in bed. I couldn’t wait to see her either. There were butterflies dancing around in my stomach at the thought of holding her hands or kissing her. I wondered if everyone who fell in love felt the way I did. It was insane. I took a deep breath and walked to the kitchen to get some coffee.

  My housekeeper was a ghost. There were freshly baked bagels, croissants and fruits laid out on the table and I wondered when she did all of this. She had the code to the apartment, and she seemed to be able to tell when she could come and when she couldn’t.

  There were times when I was having sex and I wondered if she would just walk in, but it had never happened. She had a key to my apartment and she knew the code of the alarm, but never had I been disturbed. I smiled and shook my head then poured my coffee. I buttered a piece of croissant and put it in my mouth as I thought about my day. Shannon was going to try to meet up with me, and I really hoped it would be in the morning because Mia would be coming to pick me up in the afternoon to go to a friend who would be hosting a small couples-only session. We did not have a partner, but Mia said that singles were sometimes a part of the group so diversity was welcomed.

  I promised Mia I would go and there was no way to back out without causing World War III. My phone began to ring and I was almost certain it was Mia making sure that I didn’t cancel on her. It was Raj. Fuck!

  “Hi, Raj...what’s up?”

  “Shannon and I had a discussion last night.” Fuck! “I asked her if she wanted the three of us to get together again, but she thinks you will not be interested. I don’t see how because you seemed to have really enjoyed yourself.”

  “I did, but I...I...don’t want to.”

  “Why not?” I knew this question would come, and I had nothing that made sense.

  “It’s just not my thing.”

  “What? What do you mean it is not your thing? This has always been your thing,” she said with confusion in his voice.

  “I know, but I’m trying to make a change,” I said to Raj to see if it would have more success with him than it did with my friends.

  “A change? What the hell is that? You were here yesterday fucking my wife!”

  He was confused, and I got it.

  “I know, but...I just don’t want to anymore.”

  “Was it because of us? Did we do something?” he asked.

  “No...it’s just something I'm starting to feel strongly about.”

  “That’s bullshit,” he dismissed. “I don’t know what’s going on, but you girls are so unpredictable. I thought I already knew you after three years….actually I do. You love sex...wild, exciting sex. So I don’t know what has gotten into you and Shannon…”

  “What does Shannon have to do with this?” I asked, holding my breath.

  “We were having sex last night and she was acting weird...anyway…”

  “Acting weird how?” I had to know.

  “She was complaining about positions and shit that never bothered her before. What did you girls talk about yesterday after I left that is now ruining sex for me?”

  “Nothing that could cause that.”

  “I need you. I’m coming over,” he said and I almost choked on my own tongue.

  “No! Are you crazy?”

  “What?”

  “Shannon made a rule. You can’t do this behind her back. I won’t do it unless she says it’s fine,” I said, knowing that Shannon would never agree.

  "Then I'll ask her," he said. "Maybe she will agree to all of us going to a party…"

  "Not doing it."

  “Why? What’s gotten into you?” Raj asked, completely confused.

  “I’m not in such a good mood, Raj. Can I call you back later?”

  “Oh...OK,” he sighed, and I quickly disconnected the call.

  I was so close to tears, but I took deep breaths and tried to get my shit together. I was starting to realize why the girls were so insistent on me not allowing my feelings to lead me into a trap. I felt my energy draining and needed to go to this party with Mia to hopefully get my head screwed back on. I always thought that people who fell in love were so weak and stupid when there was so much in life to experience. I felt like relationships were for people in their fifties who had finished enjoying their youthful years and were preparing to settle with a partner for the remainder of their lives.

  I got up from the breakfast table and headed to the shower to get cleaned and start my day. Raj said Shannon was acting weird and their lovemaking was no good. Could she be in love with me like I was in love with her? There was no other reason why she would be reacting this way with her husband. And even if she were in love, she couldn’t do anything about it anyway because we couldn’t be together. We just had to move on with our lives and wait for the feeling to pass. Raj said they were going to a party, which was actually a sex party. I knew that was her life before, but I hated the thought of anyone else making love to her.

  Raj invited me to their bed, and I could do it in order to get a moment with Shannon, but I would not be able to watch Raj having sex with her. It was erotic and exciting to watch when I hadn’t processed my feelings for her as yet, but now that I was away, there was nothing they could do to get me to go back. I got out of the shower and got dressed, not sure what my next mov
e would be, but I needed something to do. I needed some distraction from everything surrounding Shannon.

  Mia was picking me up at eight, but I felt like I needed to drive because I wanted to be free to leave whenever I had enough, or if I changed my mind. I checked my phone to see if there were any messages from Shannon, and I was so disappointed when there was none. I decided to go shopping instead to kill some time and not sit at home wallowing in self-pity. I could have lunch with some of the girls because I tried to just stick with my core friends despite having a host of acquaintances who had made so many invitations.

  I left my apartment and entered the elevator, and I remembered how hard it was to keep my hands off Shannon. She was consuming my thoughts and as hard as I tried, I could not focus on anything without my mind going back to her. The elevator door opened to the parking lot underneath the building. Security guards greeted me and escorted me while we chatted, and I wished I could focus on what they were saying, but Shannon had woven herself into my thoughts.

  I started my car and drove up to the front of the building, as soon as I got out, I saw Shannon driving in! I took out my phone and called her. My heart racing at an unhealthy rate.

  "Guess where I am," she greeted.

  "I saw you driving in! Oh my God, what are you doing here?" I asked a stupid question.

  "To see you, of course. Where are you going?"

  "Shopping. Should we go up or do you want to come with me?"

  "Meet me in the parking lot and we'll talk about it," Shannon said.

  "OK," I replied and turned in to the front parking lot.

  My heart was racing because I was about to see her. I always thought I was void of emotions because I had never felt this way for another human being. I had been sexually involved with countless people and never had I met anyone who instantly connected with my soul. My mother always told me that the life I lived would one day come to an end because I was going to fall in love and my heart would force me to change my promiscuous ways. I thought it was just an old woman’s fantasy, but she was right. However, I was sure she did not think a woman would be the one. I would love to tell her, but what was the point when the woman I fell in love with belonged to someone else and could never be mine?

  It was a sad and difficult situation that I would have to live with for the rest of my life because Shannon was the one, and I could never fall in love with anyone else. I would have to live my life with regrets and find other ways to cope. She was the one to make me walk away from all I knew and do her bidding. I had never thought about having a family of my own, but I would do it with Shannon because I knew she belonged with me and not with Raj, although he was her husband and she clearly loved him. Despite the sadness of it all, nothing could stop the excitement and butterflies inside me to see Shannon again.

  Chapter 7

  I saw Shannon backing into a spot and drove up beside her. I was not sure if I was going to her or she was coming to me, so I sat a little waiting to see what she would do. She opened her car door and came to me. She was so beautiful that she took my breath away, and I was smiling from ear to ear. Shannon entered my car with a smile equally as wide as mine.

  She immediately opened her arms and we hugged each other. The feel of her body against mine was all-consuming, and I knew in my heart this was where I belonged, despite knowing I could never have her. We reluctantly let go of each other and Shannon cupped my face with one hand then looked around to see if anyone was watching us.

  “I missed you,” she smiled.

  “I missed you too,” I replied, and my smile was threatening to rip my face apart.

  "God, you look so beautiful," she continued caressing my face. "I wish we could just go upstairs instead of shopping... although I would love to see you in a bikini."

  "I say we go shopping. Less opportunity to get ourselves in trouble," I suggested.

  "I'm already in trouble."

  "How?"

  "I…," she said and looked down on her hands then changed her mind from whatever she was going to say.

  "What?"

  "We can talk about it over lunch. Let's get you in a bikini first," she smiled then winked at me.

  I returned her smile then drove my BMW out of the parking lot and onto the road. Just having Shannon beside me as I drove was pure elation, and I wanted so desperately for her to be mine, but I knew I couldn't have her. She belonged to Raj. I took a quick glance at her and she was looking at my legs, so I took her hand and placed it on them.

  "That's a girl," she laughed. "You are so perfect you can also read minds.”

  “I wish you could see mine then you would see how badly I want to fuck you.”

  “Turn the car around!”

  “No. We don’t have a plan. Raj…”

  “Raj is probably fucking someone right now. I could be doing the same if you would just turn the car around.”

  “Have you guys reopened your marriage?” I asked curiously as I came to a stop at the light.

  "I want to, but I am worried that he will want to do it with you, and I don't want that."

  "I have a choice. I can tell him I'm no longer interested in having sex with him," I pointed out.

  "Yes, but he won’t be happy with that and will stop me from seeing you. If I had met you first and brought you in then he would be fine with your decision, but he brought you."

  "So what should we do? Sneak around behind his back?"

  "That's our best option," she said and my heart sank as her words confirmed that I would never have her.

  The woman I fell in love with could never be with me, yet would be enjoyed by so many other people that I didn't want to fucking touch her. I felt lost and had no idea what to do. We both got quiet because we saw how grim the situation was. We were an impossible match.

  I pulled up into a parking spot in front of LeMar. It was a high-end boutique that seemed like an ordinary store when you walk in, but behind this section, was the most exquisite and expensive store anyone could find.

  "Raj told me that you two have a party to attend," I said, hoping she would not hear the tear in my voice.

  "Yea, we were invited long ago and…"

  "What kind of party is it?" I asked knowing the answer, but I wanted her to hear her words and understand that it was not OK with me.

  "What do you mean?"

  "Is it a birthday, farewell, congratulations party? Are the people celebrating an event or…?"

  "You know what kind of party, Ari," she said softly. She knew it was not OK! That's all I wanted her to know because there was nothing I could do to stop her.

  "OK. Well...have fun," I said, hoping it came out the right way.

  "So when is your next sex event?" Shannon asked and my tongue almost flew down my throat. I was not prepared, and she knew what she was doing. She was pointing out that I had no right to be disappointed in her going to a party because it was not as if my lifestyle changed.

  "Tonight," I whispered, not sure if she heard me.

  "Tonight?!"

  She did.

  "My friend, Mia, is taking me to clear my head because I have not been my usual self."

  "Why is that?"

  I wished she didn't ask me because I didn't want to talk about this to her. What was the point when there was nothing either of us could do about it?

  “Let’s get the shopping out of the way before Raj comes looking for you,” I said as I turned off the engine.

  “Raj doesn’t go looking for me. I go wherever the hell I want and do as I please as long as it is not breaking an agreement we have,” she said, clearly upset about the direction our conversation had headed.

  “I will keep that in mind.”

  “No, you are not going to keep that in mind to prevent me from touching you…”

  “Isn’t that breaking the agreement if you do?”

  “Yes!”

  “So what the fuck is your problem?”

  Shannon saw my anger and decided to back down because nothing
good could come of us continuing this conversation that was a mess and had no direction. I opened the car door and stepped out then walked around to Shannon’s door but she was out before I could get to her. I held out my hand to her and she took it, but after she did, I felt uncomfortable because I was not a lesbian in hiding nor one who was out and proud. I had held hands with my female friends, but I was aware that that was all we were. However, it was different with Shannon. I was in love with her, and I was aware of what the feel of her hand in mine was doing to me.

  We entered the store and walked past the front which was not where I shopped. The moment I walked into the exclusive section of the store, attendants were running from all directions to tend to my needs. I slowly released Shannon’s hand and deliberately did not make eye contact with her because I did not want her to know that I did it intentionally.

  “Right this way, Miss Todd,” the beautiful and pleasant Tiffany said with dimples that brought in many customers. “May I offer you and your companion a glass of champagne while we put together a collection for you to try?”

  “Thanks, Tiffany. I would love that,” I said and retook Shannon’s hand as the associate led the way.

  “You could at least take your eyes off her while I’m by your side,” Shannon whispered in my ear.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “The flirting.”

  “What?”

  “Please have a seat and I will be back with your drinks in just a moment,” Tiffany said sweetly and left the room.

  “Look at that,” Shannon said and rolled her eyes.

  “You are crazy,” I laughed. “I am not attracted to women...except you. I told you before that it was never one of my cravings.”

  “Why me?”

  “I don’t know. It’s just you,” I said and picked up my phone that was ringing.

  It was my assistant.

  “Hi, Lynn.”

  “Hi, Miss Todd. Flora called. You are invited to a special viewing on the sixteenth so that is two weeks from now. What should I do?”