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  “I want her. They don’t get to do as they wish, and when a directive is given by the owner of the company, it must be followed,” I said, stating my position.

  “Even if it’s the wrong one?”

  “Why would the owner of a successful company give bad directives?”

  “Arien, I treat my staff with respect and value their…”

  “It has nothing to do with respect, Dad.”

  “They all respect me, but not because of me being a bully. It's because they know that if they mess up, I'm the last person they would want to face. Outside of that, this is their home. It's that way at all our locations.”

  “Good to know,” I said and picked up my phone off the receiver. “I want my secretary. Who is the manager?”

  “Andrew Jarrett”

  I entered the extension for the head of the department and the phone was picked up right away.

  “Andrew Jarrett speaking."

  “Hi. This is Arien Todd. I would like you to send my secretary to me immediately. She can no longer work in that department,” I said in a voice that had no room for negotiation.

  “Hi, Miss Todd. Elise is a perfect fit for the department and I recommend that she remains. I think the best option is to ask personnel to find someone suitable to replace her.”

  “That’s a good idea. How about you do that for your department and send my secretary to me. Now. Thank you,” I said and disconnected the call.

  I looked at my dad who had a smirk on his face and was not sure how to read it. My cellphone started to ring, and I got excited that it might be Shannon, but when I looked, it was my friend, Smore. I needed to speak with them because I had not exchanged a word with my friends in over a month. I ignored the call to return it at a more appropriate time.

  My dad got up from the sofa.

  “Aren’t you tired from your trip, darling?”

  “I am, but I wanted to get moving on this, just to make sure I didn’t change my mind or get distracted. What are we doing now?”

  “I need you to come to my office. There's a lot to discuss and training sessions to plan for.”

  “I’m excited, Dad. I’ll meet you in your office as soon as my secretary gets here. I just want to reintroduce myself and talk with her for a little,” I said walking him to the door.

  “I know there's a man.”

  “There is no man,” I smiled at him. “I love you, Dad.”

  “Love you more than anything,” he said and kissed my cheek then left.

  I felt good about this new direction I decided to take my life and felt more embarrassed each day about the many years wasted on seeking personal, meaningless pleasure. I could have achieved so much, and now I could never get those years back; they were gone, and all that I did became a part of my long-term memory. I covered my face in shame as images of so many men that I had sex with, and the wild orgies I had been a part of, flashed across my mind. There was no way to undo my past, but I had control over my future. I was still an addict, and every day had been a fight and would continue to be, but the overwhelming desires I felt were not targeting orgies and strange men, they were targeting Shannon. She was the only one I wanted, yet could not have. I was trying my best to accept the reality of it all and felt that taking charge of my father’s company was my only hope. This had to work...because I would be so fucked if it didn’t.

  Chapter 13

  My friends had given up on me. Except for the one conversation I had with them two weeks ago, I had not heard a word from any of them. My life had taken a different path from theirs, and while I missed them very much, they were not good for me because our outlook on life was now different. They still believed that parties and sex were the main things that held life together while I believed that love and making meaningful contributions to myself and those around me would bring me more fulfillment.

  They blamed Shannon for coming into my life and destroying me. I was chastised for not contacting them for a month after running off to a foreign country without saying goodbye, then ignored them when I returned. I explained that I was trying to turn my life around because I was no longer happy doing the things I did. My decision did not go well with them because they saw it as a rejection of their friendship, despite me explaining that it was far from it. I told them that I would be happy to spend time with them, but I needed their support and would rather not have discussions about which sex party I missed and how exciting their sexual adventures were because I was still at a very fragile stage.

  Maybe I did not express myself well enough because, since the end of that conversation, I had not heard from them and they had not answered my calls. I stopped calling after one week because I really did not have the time. My father had me under immense pressure to learn the business, and the meetings seemed to be endless. My degree was in finance and that part of the process was easy for me to grasp, but learning what biotechnology was all about became a nightmare for me. My father was teaching me as if he expected me to do the work myself, although I explained to him that I was only interested in an overview to have an idea of how our company operated. He agreed but could not help himself.

  It was a blessing when I demanded that my secretary be returned to me because she was a lifesaver. I understood why they were hanging on to her and did not want to hand her over. Her name was Elise Falcon, a beautiful red-head with light blue eyes. She was gorgeous and immediately my body reacted to her, reminding me that I was not cured of my addiction. However, it was also noticeable how much stronger my ability to resist had gotten, and it felt good to put business first instead of trying to get into her panties. Elise was so beautiful and efficient, and I admired her so much that she became a constant reminder that Shannon was not in my life. I needed her desperately, and not just for sex, but just to see her and talk with her.

  I laid in bed at night and the tears would be so close, but I usually fought them back and went to sleep. Each night became more difficult, and I would sometimes find myself looking at my phone with her name on the screen, but I kept telling myself that it was no good to reach out to her when she could not be with me. I was at the breaking point. At this moment, I did not have the will to fight anymore. I needed her... anything...even if I could only have hidden moments with her.

  “I can’t even have that because she gets so fucking worked-up about cheating on her man,” I said aloud in my room.

  I put the phone away and closed my eyes. My heart was racing because I knew what was about to happen. It was only a matter of time before my finger pressed the call button beside Shannon’s name. I picked it up again with trembling fingers. I could not breathe. I needed to hear her voice. I took a deep breath and pressed the call button and her phone started to ring. I was not sure if she would take my call, or if she could. She was probably at a sex party and could not…

  “Hello,” Shannon’s sweet voice answered. I closed my eyes and the tears flowed. I could not find my words to respond. “Arien?”

  My trembling fingers found the disconnect button and touched it, then I turned my phone off and cried myself to sleep. It was a very unpleasant sleep because the dreams were disturbing and did not make sense, but it finally ended and the sun came up. I reached for my phone and turned it on to see that there were eight missed calls from Shannon. I did a very stupid thing last night by calling her then disappearing, but I had no idea how to proceed with the call. Things were a little clearer this morning, so I would call her and find out if she could have lunch with me.

  With a smile on my face that I would get to see her, I ran to the bathroom to shower and got myself ready for the day. I had four meetings today, but they would have to be rescheduled if it coincides with my lunch date with Shannon. I quickly got dressed and reached for my phone and called her.

  “Arien, what’s going on,” she greeted in frustration after the first ring, as if she was sitting with the phone in her hand waiting to hear from me.

  “I’m sorry. It was just overwhelming hearing you
r voice…”

  “But you called me. Didn’t you expect to hear my voice,” she said so coldly that I was scared.

  “Y-yes...but I didn’t expect it to affect me so deeply.”

  “Why are you calling?”

  I could not breathe. It was starting to sound like she wanted nothing to do with me, and that was what would be best for all of us, but it would kill me. Although I thought it was best for us to stay away from each other, I loved her with all my heart and would just die if she no longer felt that way. I knew she was Raj’s wife, but it hurt so bad that she kept putting him before me.

  “I...I was thinking that we could have lunch today. I just...I just want to see you,” I got out in a whisper and closed my eyes for the rejection.

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she said, sending a knife through my heart.

  “Please…,” was all that came out.

  “No…we can’t keep doing this, Arien. I regret the day we met because my life will never be the same. Every fucking thing was great until I met you,” she said and the pain was excruciating. “I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I can’t fucking move on with my life because of you! I will not sneak behind Raj to have an affair with you. If I do that, you will get hurt, he will get hurt and I will get hurt. I can’t do this anymore, Arien. I have to go.”

  The line went dead and my body with it. I fell onto the bed and started hyperventilating. I could not believe what just happened. Shannon was out of my life. I got what I wanted, and I could not handle it. This was my first time at love, and I had no idea how people move on after falling in love with someone. I had no prior experience.

  Shannon wanted to be with me, but she would not do that without Raj's blessing. He would never give her his blessing because I was his girl first, so it would be strange if she wanted to sleep with me but he was not allowed. That was what made this whole thing a mess. It was clear that the only way to be with Shannon was through Raj, but even that would be a nightmare because Shannon would never want to watch him touch me, nor would I want to watch him touch her. However, I had no choice. It was easier to endure the pain of watching him fuck her than to live my life without her in it.

  I got up and walked to the bathroom to wash my face that was already done and ready for work but was ruined by the torrential flood of tears. I let the ice-cold water penetrate my pores as I tried to gather myself from the massive blow I received from Shannon. I re-entered my bedroom and picked up my phone to make the most difficult call of my life.

  “Hey, stranger!” Raj greeted excitedly.

  “Hi, Raj. How are you?”

  “Barely surviving after you took away your business,” he laughed.

  “That’s what happens when you mix business with pleasure.’

  “But I have neither!”

  “Sorry. Well...I’m here to fix one of those today,” I said then quickly added. “But you can’t tell Shannon. I want us to surprise her.”

  “Oh shit! I don’t know if I can. She is in such a horrible mood lately that I don’t know if I can take the risk,” he explained and I was nervous that I might not be able to execute my only plan.

  “I say we go, and if she is not happy about it, then I will leave. I will drive just in case she chases me out and won’t allow you to take me home.”

  “Don’t you think it is better that I tell her?”

  “She won’t agree.”

  “I know this is a bad idea, but I have to take you up on the offer. It's been forever since we've had this kind of fun together. I think she's over it, but I'm not because I have gotten so used to fucking whichever pussy I wanted. Now...it’s just her, and even that has become almost nonexistent. Maybe this will kick some life back into her,” he said, almost talking to himself.

  “Maybe.”

  “OK. I’m leaving here right now before you change your mind. I will meet you outside my house. Do not drive in before me. We have to go in together.”

  “OK. Leaving now.”

  My face broke into a smile when I realized that I was able to convince Raj to do this. Although under horrible circumstances, I would get to be with Shannon. Right now, it was all about seeing her and holding her in my arms, then I would deal with the consequences after. I had to have a plan for when it turned to sex. I had to be able to focus on the pleasure she was giving me than what Raj was doing to her. It would be hard, but it would be worth the sacrifice.

  As I hurried to the car, I couldn’t help but wonder if all I had done to change my life was in vain because I was about to do something that could throw me back into the world I had put behind me. What if I liked having sex with Raj? What if I got the rush of watching two people fucking? I was putting all my progress on the line to be with Shannon.

  As I raced toward the house, I had to squeeze my legs together because my pussy was on fire. Shannon had a lot of juice to enjoy today because I was pouring. The butterflies were going wild inside me and I was confident that when Shannon saw me she would be excited. I knew it would be hard for us to fully enjoy each other under the circumstances but just the opportunity to be together without the burden of guilt would be welcomed by her. I hated that I had to resort to such measures to be with Shannon, but that was all I had at the moment...and forever.

  I should start looking into the idea of us being a polyamorous relationship. That would solve the problem for all of us. Shannon would no longer feel guilty, I would get to be with her without fear and we all could get a chance to feed our sexual addictions without the restriction of being with one person. I made a mental note to speak to Shannon about it.

  When I arrived at Raj’s house, he was already there waiting by the side of the road for us to drive in together. I prayed he kept our surprise a secret because I did not want Shannon to be given too much time to reject the plan. Raj signaled to me to drive in behind him then he stopped in the long driveway. He came out of his car and walked to me so I got out on shaky legs. I was excited but nervous at the same time, but my strong sexual desires usually took care of that once we got into the setting.

  “I hope she is not looking out the window,” Raj said as he smiled and took my hand. “It’s so good to see you, Arien. I'm not used to such a long time going by without fucking you,” Raj said, and I thought I wouldn't have gotten much from those words, but my body responded. I knew who I loved, however my overactive sex drive could not resist.

  Raj walked with me to the mudroom entrance instead of the front door, and I remembered the first time I came how less nervous I was. Shannon was inside this house, and any moment, I would get to see her and hold her in my arms, and that was more exciting than actually having sex with her. My body was yearning to see and touch her, and I was freaking out inside from impatience.

  “Where is she?” I asked Raj.

  “Maybe in the sunroom,” she said as he checked his watch to have a better guess of her routine. “Come.”

  He held my hand and walked toward the back of the house and sure enough, Shannon was lying on a lounge chair with just a towel across her hips. Her perfect breasts were exposed and she was glistening from suntan oil.

  “Babe,” Raj said softly so she wouldn’t get scared.

  Shannon was startled anyway because she must have been deep in thoughts. She wiped the side of her face and that was when I realized that she was crying. My heart sunk to my feet and any remnants of sexual desire I had flew out of me, and I just wanted to take her in my arms, but I had to be careful to not send a message to Raj because Shannon would be so upset with me.

  “Hi, honey. What are you doing home?” she asked without looking around.

  “I have a surprise for you,” Raj said.

  “Really?” she said and turned her head. “Christ!” she shouted and held her chest.

  Shannon jumped to her feet and wrapped a towel around her body then just stood there looking at us. Her eyes were puffy from crying but her stunning beauty had not diminished. My heart glowed as I looked at the love of my l
ife and wanted to run over and take her lips in mine.

  “Hi, Shannon,” I said and she didn’t immediately respond, then she opened her arms and I walked in.

  Her arms came around me and she held me tight. I reveled in the warmth of her body against mine, but I could also feel Raj’s eyes boring into my back.

  “What the fuck have you done?” Shannon whispered in my ear, and quickly pulled away.

  She released me from her arms and walked over to her husband and planted a light kiss on his lips. I felt my body drained of all its blood and that was when I realized this was a huge mistake and I would not be able to survive it. When Shannon looked back at me, I could see how uncomfortable she was with this routine act, but she had no choice because it would look suspicious if she didn’t do it.

  “This is a surprise,” she said and forced a smile on her face. I did the same because it would be any moment before Raj started asking questions. “Whose idea was this?”

  Shannon knew the answer but was deliberately putting me on the spot.

  “Mine,” I said quickly to spare Raj from lying to his wife.

  Just thinking of her as his wife was unbearable. I knew she was, but I loved her and I wished she was mine instead.

  “I didn’t know you both were still communicating,” Shannon said and looked at Raj.

  “Communicating? Baby, you knew she disappeared into thin air and took her business away from me,” he said and pulled her in his arms from behind. “But, I'm not one to pass up a little action once you approve.”

  I saw Shannon close her eyes and grimaced because she knew that it was killing me to see her wrapped in his arms. This was a huge mistake, but it was the only way to be with her. I walked over to the chair that Shannon had occupied and laid back against it.

  “Are you OK?” Raj asked.

  “Yea. I’m fine. Just relaxing before the big moment,” I turned my head and smiled at him.

  “Honey, why don’t you get us a drink while I talk to Arien a minute,” Shannon said to her husband.