Save Me Page 12

  "Oh...OK, Miss Todd," she said and I could hear the confusion in her voice.

  Lynn had spent years accepting one party invitation after another that she couldn't comprehend what the fuck was going on with me. Being freaky and spontaneous was the rule by which I lived, and it was only natural for everyone to be shocked or confused with any sort of change in the opposite direction. But that was not my problem. My problem was how to see an alternate future without Shannon in it. I was on the right path because I no longer felt as if I had lost control of who I was, and I was no longer nervous all the time. I was confident and that confidence would definitely push me in the right direction.

  The journey home from the airport was filled with positive thoughts and a permanent smile on my face, and when I arrived and greeted my housekeeper with a hug, she stood for a while because she had never seen a friendly side of me. As she unpacked my suitcase, I hopped into the shower and thought of how surprised my father would be when I told him I would be coming into office tomorrow. I knew nothing about the company my father ran, but I was looking forward to learning as that would be the distraction I needed. It was wonderful that Shannon would flash across my mind and I didn’t turn to jelly. I relished the new-found strength I had and was excited about taking on the world in a good way.

  I got out of the shower and entered my bedroom to see who had been ringing my phone so many times. It was Raj and right away my heart slammed against my chest. I took a deep breath as I contemplated whether to answer the phone or not. I didn’t have to because I was changing him as my attorney, which Lynn and my father should have taken care of while I was away. I decided to answer just in case he had something to say regarding my affairs.

  “Hello, Raj,” I greeted as I slipped into my underwear.

  “Holy shit! Where have you been? Two weeks after calling and visiting your apartment, I found out you were away on vacation. You could have told me, you know.”

  “Is there a reason for your call other than my private business?”

  “Hey...what’s going on? We are still friends, right?” he asked in a nervous voice.

  “We were never friends, Raj. You were my attorney and my sex partner. Both of which are over,” I informed him.

  “I need to talk to you...in person. May I come over? Where are you?”

  “I do not wish to talk to you unless it has something to do with the transition to my new lawyer.”

  “Your father made the arrangements and your file has been turned over...Arien, I don’t understand. Since the day I took you to my house...you have been acting weird. It was not my decision to put a pause on our sexual relationship; it was Shannon’s. She didn’t want me…”

  “I have to go,” I said at the mention of Shannon’s name.

  I didn’t want memories of her to come rushing back, so I needed to get off the phone with Raj.

  “She wants me to get you back,” he said, and I could not put my finger on the red to disconnect the call.

  “What?”

  “She came to me and told me to get you back. I didn’t understand what she meant, but she said she wanted me to bring you back to our bed. I told her I couldn’t find you.”

  “So she is OK with you sleeping with me?”

  “As long as she is a part of it.”

  Clearly, Shannon could not find me, and she wanted to see me so badly that she was willing to bring me back into their bed, despite knowing that seeing Raj touch me would kill her. I was tempted because I wanted to see her too, but I could not break. I needed to be strong because all that time in Florence would have been a wasted trip.

  “I'm telling you, and you can tell your wife, I am not interested in sleeping with you or seeing you. I'm taking my life in a new direction and there's no room for either of you. Take care, Raj,” I said and disconnected the call.

  I fell on my knees into the lush white rug on the floor. I covered my face with my hands and breathed hard. My heart started racing, my palms started sweating, my resolve started to weaken. Raj was the closest I could get to Shannon and knowing that he wanted to take me to her was a little more than I could resist. I wanted to tell him to come and get me so that I could see her, but I didn’t want to go back to that dark place where I was before I went away. I got to my feet and took out a pair of bra and quickly slipped into them as anger slowly crept up on me. I was angry that I found myself in this position, and as I tried to get myself out of it, it was getting more difficult to do so.

  I jumped at the sound of my phone ringing, and I was certain it was one of my friends before I even looked at the screen, but to my surprise and horror, it was Shannon. I nervously paced the room as I tried to figure out what to do. I wasn’t sure if I should answer or just forget about her and Raj. I decided to ignore the call because she needed to focus on her marriage and leave me out of it.

  Shannon continued to call and with each ring, my ability to resist faded.

  “Hello,” I greeted when she finally broke me.

  “Ari…,” she said, and I could imagine her closing her eyes at the sound of my voice. “Ari...oh my God...I need to see you.”

  “Shan…,” I whispered and the tears burned the inside of my closed lids.

  “Please let me come see you...please.”

  “I can’t…”

  “Please.”

  “No!” I cried into the phone. “You need to stay away from me!”

  “I can’t! Do you have any idea what you have done to me this past month?” It was not a question. “I was a fucking mess! How could you just disappear like that knowing how I feel about you?”

  “I don’t know how you feel about me. You never said. I know how you feel about Raj because you get all nervous and guilty whenever we got intimate. That’s what I know, and I can’t take it. So please do me a favor and stay the hell away from me!”

  “Don’t leave. I’m coming over.”

  “I won’t be here.”

  “Do not leave!” she shouted and disconnected the call.

  I got dressed as quickly as I could so that I could hurry out of the apartment and visit my father at his office to talk about my role in the company, but as I got to the door, I could not go through because Shannon was coming. I didn’t want her to show up and I wasn't here. Yes...that’s the reason.

  The housekeeper had left with the laundry, and I was happy that she did or I would have to ask her to leave. I needed to hear what Shannon could possibly have to say to me because her situation had not changed one bit, therefore, anything other than her agreeing that we should stay apart would be nothing but a big waste of time.

  I had on a pair of tailored navy pants and a white buttoned-down cotton shirt with collar and cuffs. I had my hair in a ponytail because I had not been to the hairdresser in two weeks. I had very little makeup on, which was the way I liked it best. I looked very sleek and professional because I wanted my father to see that I was serious about my new path in life. I also wanted to command the respect of the people who would be my subordinates.

  I had a lot of anxieties about meeting people on a professional basis, and they recognize me as one of the patrons at a sex party. It would be even worse if one of those was someone I slept with. Anyway, the company was mine, therefore I had no one to answer to except my parents, and as such, had no one else to fear. However, I knew it would be a humiliating experience for me if I should find myself in such a position.

  I paced the floor nervously as I waited anxiously for Shannon and jumped at the sound of my phone when the security called to let me know she had arrived. I told him to send her up, and I could hardly breathe. I wished she was not so forceful and had given me the opportunity to tell her she was not welcome. Now, I had to face what I had run away from for a whole month.

  There was a knock on the door and I stood for a second and took a deep breath to settle my nerves before opening it. That did nothing for me. I saw her face and my heart caved. I had tried hard to forget how beautiful she was, and now that her b
lue eyes were staring back at me, it was painful to imagine that I went a whole month without seeing her.

  “Ari,” she whispered as I stood looking at her, unable to find the strength to tell her she could come in.

  I stepped aside and she walked in then I slowly closed the door, and even more slowly, turned to face her. Shannon wore a wine-colored dress that hugged her to her waist then slightly flared off to her knees. Her hair was straight with one side over her shoulder and the other falling onto her full breasts, which were trying to burst their way out of the dress. She was perfection.

  I did not hide the way my eyes roamed over her, tattooing her tall, perfect frame into my memory. How the fuck was I going to keep it together and let her know that my life had changed and there was no place for her in it? How could I stay focused on my resolution when I was so in love with her? This was not going to be a good conversation.

  “You look so beautiful,” Shannon said into the silence.

  “Thank you. So do you,” I replied.

  Her lower lips started to tremble and her eyes watered. I was scared as hell to hear her next words.

  “How could you leave?” she asked and the tears ran down her face. “How could you leave without saying anything to me?”

  “I just needed…”

  “I almost lost my fucking mind,” she said with the same tone but through clenched teeth. “For one month, I have been shaking nervously. I could hardly eat or sleep because all I got were voicemails from the thousands of calls I made. I had nightmares of not ever seeing you again.”

  “I’m sorry Shannon, but that was the plan. I never wanted to fall in love with you, but I have. I had no idea what to do, and I needed some time away from it all to try and gather myself to figure out how to move on,” I explained. “You are married…”

  “And you are punishing me for that?”

  “I am not punishing you...not intentionally. I was doing this for me…”

  “Why would you just shut me out instead of talking to me about it?” she asked.

  “Talking won’t help or change anything…”

  “I was calling you for days before you left and you ignored my calls. You went to your...party and enjoyed yourself because you didn’t think that I would care that strangers were fucking you!”

  “Excuse me! You had plans also! You think I was OK with that? Did you care?”

  “I cared because I did not go, and I have not been at one of those things since! You can ask Raj,” she said and shocked me. “He is very confused about what is going on with me because nothing is the same. I cannot function without you in my life, Arien.”

  The tears restarted and my heart broke.

  “I’m sorry, Shannon,” I said still standing away from her because I was too scared to touch her. I wanted to desperately, but I was not sure what would happen after I did.

  “I…,” she sighed as she tried to get her words out. She closed her eyes then the words I had never heard before came from her lips. “I’m in love with you, Arien.”

  “What?”

  I could not believe what I was hearing. I knew she was attracted to me, but I had no idea she had fallen in love. Actually, I never believed it was possible because I saw how much she loved Raj. Was she even sure? How could she love two people at the same time?

  “I fell in love with you the first time I saw you, and since that moment, all I want to do is be with you. I crave you. I just want to be wherever you are, and you leaving me for a whole month was more than I could bear, Ari. I'm so mad at you for doing this to me,” she cried.

  “Shannon,” I said and took the few steps between us.

  I held her fingers and the light touch sent shockwaves through my body. I held her hand tightly and closed my eyes.

  “Ari…,” she whispered and placed her hand on my face. I leaned into it then turned to kiss her palm. “I love you.”

  Her words caused me to fall forward onto her, and she hugged me close.

  “I can’t do this, Shan,” I said and she held me tighter. “I can’t…”

  I placed my hands on her chest and pushed myself away from her.

  “Arien, please…”

  “What do you want from me?!” I cried. “I can’t do this!”

  “Did you not hear me? I'm in love with you, Arien.”

  “Then what? You are married, Shannon,” I reminded her. “I can’t be here at nights while you are wrapped in your husband’s arms. I can’t be hiding every time I want to kiss you or hold your hands.”

  She walked over to the sofa and sat then rested her face in her hands. She did not have a solution, which was what I knew from the beginning.

  “I can’t leave Raj, Ari,” she said then looked up at me with teary blue eyes. “It would kill him. He has done nothing but caters to my needs and desires. I told him I no longer gave him permission to be with anyone without me being there and he obeyed, despite the fact that I was the one who dragged him into that lifestyle. He stopped because I asked him to. You know. He told you he could no longer be with you, although it could have happened behind my back and I wouldn’t know. That’s the kind of husband he has been for ten years. I want to be with you more than anything, but I can’t do that to him.”

  “I am not asking you to, and this is why I am doing whatever I can to move on from this situation,” I explained.

  “So you would rather cut me out of your life than for us to find a way around this?”

  “Around? You mean like have a secret affair?”

  “Yes.”

  “Shannon, we made out in the fitting room at a store and you were freaking out about betraying your husband,” I reminded her.

  “I have made love to you behind his back. I survived. I can do this…”

  “For how long?” I asked, and she sighed in defeat. “Guilt is going to ruin what we have, and I can’t handle that guilt after we finished making love.”

  “We have to find a way to work this out because I can’t live without you,” she said looking down at her fingers as she toyed with them.

  “The best thing we can do is stay away from each other,” I said as my body burned to be with her.

  I wanted to take her out of that dress and fuck her until she cried out my name as she came, but I was on the right path and did not want to mess this up for myself.

  “Can you really do that? Can you just move on although you are in love with me?”

  “I can try. I am heading to my office…”

  “Office? What office?”

  “I have an office at my father’s company, and I’m going there to make better use of my time,” I said and walked away from her. “Can I get you something to drink?”

  “No! I don’t want anything to…,” she stopped and sighed. “Ari, please...let us work something out.”

  “We just did. We have decided that we are better off staying away from each other. I have to go,” I said and walked past her to get my bag and my keys.

  As I walked by, Shannon grabbed my arm and pulled me to her. She tried to kiss me, but I turned my head away.

  “Kiss me, Arien.”

  “No, because if I do, I will be out of these clothes in seconds and I will be fucking you in my bed. What will happen after? You will start crying that you cheated on your dear Raj, and I will feel like shit that the woman I love feels guilty for sleeping with me. I choose not to go through that. I have to go,” I said and pulled away.

  “Can I go with you?”

  “To my office?”

  “Yes. I have not seen you in a whole month I just want to spend some time with you.”

  I thought about it, and it was the worst possible idea. My father didn’t even know that I was going there, and I wanted to talk to him about my plans without being distracted, but I didn’t want to turn Shannon down. I wanted her by my side more than anything. I held out my hand to her and she took it with a smile then I headed out the door to the elevator that led to the residents' parking. I quickly released her
hand so that I was reminded that this was not OK in public because Shannon was a married woman.

  “You don’t have to do that,” she said and retook my hand while we waited on the elevator.

  As we stood inside the small enclosed space, the chemistry between us made it hard for me to breathe. Every nerve in my hand tingled from the contact of her skin, and I wanted nothing more than to take her back to my apartment. I fought back the tears and tried hard to suppress the pain from the loneliness I felt. Shannon was my purpose in life. She gave it meaning so that I could see my worth and made me realize that all I had been doing was never to make me a better person, or give me any quality of life, but only to provide temporary satisfaction. So temporary that it was never enough, and I had to get more almost daily.

  Shannon was in the same position as I was, but she told me she had stopped. We might have stopped for different reasons, but the point was that we did. It was so sad that before now, we could not find the joy of living without the pleasures of sex. We still had those strong desires, but those desires could only be satisfied by each other.

  Chapter 12

  "Ari?"

  "Yes?"

  "What are we going to do?" Shannon asked after a long moment of silence.

  "About what?"

  "You know what."

  I sighed as I drove up to the gate of Todd Technologies. Security opened the gate to allow me through, and I was surprised they even remembered who I was.

  "Shannon, you’re the one who’s married, so you should answer that question," I replied.

  "I did, but you don't want…"

  "I’m not going to hide and have an affair with you, Shannon. I love you, so that is not enough for me. I don't want you to break your promise to your husband then regret our time together."

  "I won't regret it," she said as I drove into my designated parking spot that was next to my mother's.

  "You are telling me," I said sitting back in my seat, "that you would be OK with us fucking each other behind Raj's back?"