The Business Trip Page 12

  It was a good thing that Sydney was so strong and the person who held our family together. For the years leading up to me meeting Alison, I felt like I played that role of head of the household, not for financial comparison but because I was so overly protective of them and did the big stuff while Alison did what I thought was the little stuff. I did not know that those was so critical to caring for a family until I stopped working and took over that position. It seemed as if Sydney was the head of the household all along.

  I stood by the doorway of the nursery that we decorated in neutral colors because we insisted on not knowing the sex of the baby until it was born. Taila has made plans only for a sister and I had to be sensitizing her to the possibility of getting a brother. She would hear none of it so I secretly prayed that we would have another girl.

  I looked at the wooden frame that we had built for the new baby that had a portrait of the three of us. Taila had painted the frame and insisted on using pink so that was the only think pink in this nursery. I smiled at the perfection of the room and the only thing missing was our little bundle of joy.

  I was to meet with Erika for lunch because we had mended our differences on the insistence of Sydney. Erika and I had been friends since high school and at the ripe age of thirty-four, we really shouldn’t be keeping malice like teenagers but now she knew I would go there if she calls into question our friendship again.

  Erika was more excited about the baby than my six year old daughter. I think she had no intention of starting her own family and instead planned to ride on the back of mine. She was welcome anytime; she made our life a whole lot easier because she was a kid herself. I watched her play with Taila and sometimes had to wonder who was the six year old. Things were not back to how they were but it was improving everyday and Erika had apologized so many times for not handling the situation better. She said she still would not have chosen Alison but she would not have left me on my own without helping me through my tough time.

  I walked into our bedroom and Sydney was still asleep. I put her phone beside her on the bed and kissed her face and her huge belly before I left for my lunch date with my best friend but I needed to have my pregnant wife close to the speed dial in case there was an emergency and I had to rush back home.

  Everything was going fine and we had adjusted nicely to a near perfect routine. As I drove out the driveway, I thought about how much Sydney complained that I was spoiling them, including our unborn baby. I felt good knowing that they were happy...spoilt and happy.

  Erika was already seated and waiting and I greeted her with our signature kiss on the cheeks.

  “I thought you weren’t going to show,” she said.

  “Why? Have you done something to piss me off again?”

  “Let’s not go there. We are expecting a baby. We should not be aiming to welcome the little one into a hostile relationship when I am around, which will be often.”

  “Listen there will be some rules. You are not going to take over my house the way you did when Taila was born.”

  “But I am her godmother,” she said as if she had a right.

  “So?”

  “So, it is my duty to spend as much time as I fucking want. This baby is also my godchild so it is double…”

  “Who said you are?”

  “Sydney...but it is understood.”

  “I have someone else in mind,” I said and she smiled at first then the smile disappeared when she figured I may be serious.

  “I see,” she said and her eyes became glossy.

  Was Erika really going to cry to be a godmother for my baby? What the fuck.

  “I’m just kidding, Erika. Of course it has to be you. Your ar the only one outside of my mother that I trust completely with my kids.”

  “You bitch!” she said sprinkling her drinking water in my face. “You just wanted me to suffer.”

  I laughed and used a napkin to pat the water off my face.

  “I’m sorry I couldn’t resist. My sister is good with Taila but half the time she doesn’t know where her children are so I worry if her kids are cutting Taila’s hair or if they locked her in a closet somewhere.”

  Erika laughed. “Funny but true.”

  We placed our order and talked a little about her new flame that seemed to be once a month. I stopped seeking an introduction with her boyfriends because she could no longer convince me that this month’s stud was the one.

  “How is ahm…”

  “Gary?” I nodded not sure who the hell Gary was. “He is not the one.”

  “That bad huh?”

  “Way bad. This is his last week. I will be giving Carl a try. He seemed more like who I am looking for.”

  “This one too?”

  “I am not lucky with finding love,” she sadly kept her eyes on her pasta, twirling it around with her fork while she continued. “That is why I think it is so stupid when these women find amazing love and just let it slip through their fingers. I would fight like a dog if I ever get a chance like that because…”

  Her voice trailed off and she slowly looked up at me, sitting there...not breathing because a sword was just cut me in half. I could no longer see Erika’s face because her image was blinded by my tears. Alison!

  I got up from the table and ran out of the restaurant and into my car. As I sped away, I saw Erika in the rearview mirror shouting something that I could not hear. I stopped my car close to the exit and out of her view and for the first time in almost ten months of not hearing her voice, I cried for Alison.

  CHAPTER 9

  “Hurry, sweetie. We don’t want you to be late for school,” I said to Taila. “Did you get your backpack?”

  “I have it, Mommy,” she said sweetly.

  “Good girl. Get your brother’s bottle and just stick it in the side of the bag while I strap him in the car seat.”

  “Can I do it?”

  “When he is a little older but you are doing a very important job because he loves his bottle so just put that in his bag.”

  “OK,” she said and did as I asked.

  “Come on...oh no your hair is not brushed,” I said and quickly passes the brush through her curly blonde hair. I put a pink headband with the little yellow bear that matched her dress.

  “I don’t want that one Mommy,” she cried. “I don’t like that one…”

  “What did I say about crying? Do not cry…”

  “...when I can use my words,” she completed.

  “Good. Use your words.”

  “I would like another one, please Mommy.”

  “OK. Take the one you want.”

  Taila chose a purple and there was nothing on her with that color but I have learnt to choose my battles so I complimented her on her choice and put the damn thing on her head. Just then William started to cry.

  “Mommy, why is William crying?”

  “Because he doesn’t want you to be late.”

  “We are leaving now William don’t cry,” she said and put the pacifier in his mouth.

  “Oh my God! You have got to be the best big sister in the whole world. Come on,” I said and picked up the car seat with Taila’s homework and we both headed down the stairs and into the garage.

  I started the engine to cool down inside the car then snapped William in. Then I buckled Taila beside him.

  “Keep an eye on your brother, OK?” I said and reversed out of the garage. At that moment my phone rang.

  “Hi Mom.”

  “Logan, I am worried about you. You need help. Let us help you please.”

  “I don’t need any help. I am fine. I have Taila in the car and I am taking her to school so I have to go. Talk to you later,” I said and disconnected the carphone.

  “Mommy, William in falling asleep.”

  “Then we have to be very quiet,” I said softly.

  We drove into the school and I saw Melissa run toward the car.

  “Look, Taila, Miss Melissa is coming to get you,” I said. “Have a good day, sweetie.
I will be right here as soon as school is over, OK?”

  “OK, Mommy,” she said as Melissa opened the door and greeted us, took a quick look at the most handsome boy then ran off with Taila.

  Melissa was one of the assistants in Taila’s class and looked out for us in the mornings which is good for me and I didn’t have to take William out of the car.

  I returned home and as I drove past the supermarket I thought of the things I needed. Usually if I had somewhere to go for a little while, I would ask Maggie to stay with William for like half an hour then I’m back home. Everyone wanted me to get a nanny but I didn’t want to do that. I wanted to take care of my children by myself because it kept me busy and I would be left with almost no time to examine my thoughts.

  As I drove in, I saw my mother’s car and I shook my head wishing I could turn the car around but I could not do that with a sleeping baby in the car. I took William inside, walking past my parents, taking him to his to the nursery. I gently placed him in his crib, picked up the monitor and went downstairs.

  “Hi, Dad. Mom, what are you doing here?”

  “I don’t know but I am here, just in case you need me.”

  “Actually, I do. I need to run out for a bit. William is sleeping. He is due a bottle now so whenever he wakes up you can feed him. There is a bottle in the side of his bag, discard that and make a fresh. Have fun,” I said and kissed their cheeks before running out.

  My mother’s face had broken out into a smile because she was happy to get a chance to take care of her grandson. I was happy she came by and gave me a chance to go something I needed to do.

  +++

  I knelt in front of the headstone and looked at her name and I could not feel. I had not felt for three months and I have not cried. I placed the yellow tulips that she liked and did what I had done every time I visited. I stared at her name just to be sure because I still could not believe it. Sydney Angela Mason. That was the name on the headstone but it could not be her buried beneath. It could not be because she was fine and we were happy. Sydney knew she could not leave me alone because I could not manage without her, she knew how fragile I was and would not be able to hold the family together and take care of our children alone! She knew! She fucking knew that!

  “You promised!” I screamed. “You promised to never leave me!”

  Finally the pain unleashed and my heart was ripped from my chest. I could not breathe. I laid my head on the flowers and curled myself into a ball and I wailed.

  “You...you...promised m-me, Sydney…” I was crying but no sounds were coming out. I could not hear myself.

  She was fine. Her feet were swollen and she was heavy, that’s all. I stood in the operating room because she was having difficulty delivering normally. She was awake when our son was born and she kissed him. Then all of a sudden machines started going off and doctors and nurses were in a frenzy and I was being dragged out of the room.

  “Noooo! Nooo! Sydney!” I could still hear myself scream.

  I waited anxiously. Waiting for any news that my wife was OK. Her parents were beside themselves and my family...they were lost and we were all praying for good news. The moment I saw the doctors walking toward me I knew. I knew she had died. The tears dried up instantly and I asked to see my baby. I was now crying for the first time since and even now, my throat was all but closed off and I could no longer get a sound out. The cries were inside however, because I was feeling the tears flow.

  “Miss? Are you OK?” A security person for the cemetery knelt beside me.

  “No...my wife died,” I whispered into the flowers but I was not sure if the words actually came out.

  “Do you need more time?” he asked and I nodded my head. “I will come back and check on you, OK?”

  He left and I remained with my head on her tulips...on her grave.

  “You promised me, Syd,” I reminded her. “You made me promise that I wouldn’t leave...and I didn’t.”

  I got up and looked at the name again to see if it was still there and if it still said Sydney Angela Mason. It did and it angered me.

  “You promised me!” I screamed grabbing up the tulips and throwing them at her name. “I was your responsibility! We were your responsibility!”

  “OK. Come let me help you to your car,” he said and I walked with him.

  “Wait, please,” I said and ran back to Sydney. I picked up the scattered tulips and laid then by the stone then kissed her name and left.

  +++

  I just dropped Taila off at school and put William down for his morning nap. His smiles warmed my heart and supplied me with these little moments when I was free of the anguish within me. It had been a year and one month since I last heard Alison’s voice. I remember every inch of her and every touch. Excitement of a new baby followed by the grief of losing my wife had made me endure her absence. I wondered if she had forgotten about me. It would only be fair after what I had done.

  I often wondered if I was being punished for being with Alison or punished for meeting her. Sydney, stood by me through it all, her support unwavering and she gave new meaning to the vow, ‘For better or for worse’. I loved her and always will. I see her every moment in the faces of our children and sometimes I felt badly for William because he will grow without feeling those loving, comforting arms and her butterfly kisses. He felt them when he was just born but he won’t anymore. I just had to make sure that he got enough for both of us.

  Sydney was counting on me to do a good job with the family she gave me and I had no plans of letting her down. My children will always be first and just the way I knew Sydney would have wanted them to be raised.

  I had so many regrets one of which only undermined the gift of my beautiful baby boy. I did not want Sydney to continue the pregnancy and she had gotten so mad but now sometimes I wished she had listened to me because she would be alive but it was difficult to dwell on that when she really was OK for the duration of the pregnancy. Everything just went wrong with the delivery.

  I tried to hurry with my breakfast before William woke up.

  “Hey, Maggie, what you got there.”

  “Just some laundry I did for the baby. I am going to fold them and put them away.”

  “I’ll do it. Just put the basket in the living room. I’m coming.”

  “I can do it. You could rest and I will listen for William.”

  “Thank you, Maggie, but I want to do it,” I insisted because I needed something to do so that my mind did not stray to the two women I loved that I lost in one year.

  I had the rest of my coffee and washed my hands then went to fold my son’s clothes. Taila wanted a sister and was so mad when she found out that it was a boy, however when he came home she fell in love with her baby brother and helped to take care of him while Sydney’s family and mine made funeral arrangements.

  Breaking the news to Taila was hard but I didn’t cry and that lessened the impact. William was also a distraction for her so she didn’t get much time to process it but as the days went by and Sydney was not coming home, Taila kept asking and crying for her Mama. But William was a blessing. He helped her through it and we spoke about Sydney so often that it became normal and not a shock to her when her name came up and she said “Goodnight, Mama” every night before going to bed.

  I heard the doorbell and put down the top I was folding expecting to see one of my family members who would just not stay away no matter what I did. It was pointless but I needed to have my home in some order. Erika and I were on rocky grounds so it would be nice if it was her at the door.

  I opened it…

  Standing before me was the last person on the face of this earth that I expected. Alison!

  I stared at her beautiful exquisite features and her eyes lit up just like they always did when we saw each other after a while. I could not believe my eyes but there she was, the greatest love I have ever known, the woman I had pined for and thought about every single day. She stood looking holding a piece of paper in her h
ands. Those hands had in them the power to heal me, to make me feel better, to soothe my soul. I wanted to just fall in them and finally get a moment of peace, then I looked up at her face again. This was not the face I wanted to see right now. Alison was not who I wanted to hold me. I wanted Sydney.

  “Leave. And don’t ever come back to my house again,” I said and slammed the door.