The Business Trip Page 11

  Logan, please don’t do this to me. Please. I can’t... I can’t breathe...please call and tell me you are coming. This is my last call to you...I will continue to wait for you at the airport but I will not be calling you back. If you were coming I would have heard from you so I guess you have no good news. Even though I know you are not coming...I will still wait. I will give you this day but not another one. I know you love me. This is not some fantasy. I know what I feel and I know what you feel but clearly you have chosen to reject the life I have to offer you for your personal reasons. They are important reasons but I know we could work it out. There will always be a permanent hole in my heart that will never be filled by anyone else. I love you Logan. Only you can understand how much.

  “Just hang on, baby. I am on my way,” I said in the car with the biggest smile on my face and I was on clouds, the happiest I have felt in two weeks. “Alison, my love,” I whispered and stepped on the gas.

  CHAPTER 8

  I might have been an hour or more that I have been sitting her in the parking lot of the airport, unable to execute the next phase of my plan. If it weren’t for the crying faces of my two girls there was a great chance that I would have made it to New York but how could I skip merrily into the sunset with Alison and abandon my babies. I had another baby in New York. She was feeling exactly as we all were and I looked at how many people was being hurt by my chance encounter with Alison Walden. The two person who deserved this the least were Taila and Sydney. They didn’t deserve any of this.

  I was looking at the airport that I separated me from Alison. I took a deep breath and started the engine and returned home. It was over. I got my chance at magic, I tasted it and knew what it felt like which was just a speck of what was in store, I didn’t take it. But the life that I was going home to also contained a different kind of magic, not as glamorous or as spectacular but it was definitely magic.

  I opened the garage door and was happy to see that Sydney’s car was still there. I parked and walked into the dining room and I could see Sydney holding Taila in her arms. Taila sat up in her mother’s lap and saw me.

  “Mommy! You came back!” She screamed and ran into my arms.

  I held her so tight and kissed her face all over.

  “I missed you too much.”

  “I knew you would...Mama see? I told you she would come back,” Taila bounced in my arms.

  I looked at my wife and my heart ached at her swollen eyes and sad face. I put Taila down and walked over to her.

  “You came back,” she whispered.

  “You are my responsibility. For better or for worse, right?” I asked touching her face.

  “For better or for worse,” she said and she was in my arms.

  I held her so tight and felt Taila hugging my feet. I felt so badly for her because she had never witness anything like this from Sydney and me but I was so proud of her for being strong and comforting her mother by trying to reassure her that I would return. Now I know that I made the best possible decision because I would have cause serious damage to Taila if she was thinking that it was not possible for me to leave them then I never came back. That would have crushed me but...mostly her.

  I held Sydney away from me and looked in her eyes.

  “It’s over, honey. I have put it behind me and I am really sorry for all that I have put you through. It will never happen again.”

  “I just felt what it was like to lose you, Logan, and it...it hurt like hell. Don’t do that again,” the tear fell and I wiped it away not wanting Taila to see her Mama cry anymore.

  “I promise. I won’t happen again,” I reassured her. “You don’t leave me either.”

  “That’s funny,” she laughed and I was happy to see that.

  “Promise me.”

  “I promise I will never leave you, Logan.” Now it was my turn to smile.

  “And Taila,” my little girl gave out. “Promise you will never leave Taila.”

  “You? How could we leave such a pretty face. That is never going to happen,” I said tickling her and she laughed.

  “Logan, can you eat just a little for me? Please?” Sydney begged.

  “I’ll try.”

  “Tai, what should we make for mommy. She is really hungry,” Sydney asked as we entered the kitchen.

  “We could make french fries,” Taila suggested which we already knew she would say.

  “Is french fries you favorite food, Taila?” I asked.

  “Yea because it is Sierra’s favorite food too. She is my best friend and we both like the same color and we both like french fries,” she said and proceeded to tell me the favorite color and food of every single child in her class. I was sure she called about one hundred names and there were only twelve children in her class.

  When we were done with our french fries and the chicken salad that Sydney snuck in, Sydney settled Taila in the playroom and took me to have a shower then put me in bed with the funny movie that got me everytime, Rat Race. She made sure not to offer any love story or anything depressing because she knew that my situation with Alison was still very raw. After she left, I went into my phone and emptied my text messages then did the same to my voicemail before the message started playing. With my phone clear and me settle to watch my movie, I started to breathe a little like myself again.

  “Can I get you anything, sweetie?” Sydney asked.

  “Bring me the bag of baby clothes that you were sorting last night so that I can go through it.”

  “Oh my God! Are we having another baby?”

  “Yes we are...I am still not ready to…”

  “I’ll carry it,” she beamed. “You are twins, remember?”

  “Yea, I remember,” I laughed. “As long as the doctor says you will be OK then it will be fine. We can get on it as soon as possible. I have a therapist to meet on Monday but I am canceling.”

  “Maybe you shouldn’t, hon.”

  “I don’t want to revisit that place. I am comfortable just letting it be because a therapist really couldn’t...I don’t want to.”

  “OK. Well, if later you feel like you do, will you call?”

  “I promise but I think I will be fine.”

  “OK. You have baby clothes to sort out,” she smiled and went downstairs to get them.

  Alison wanted a baby too maybe she will find someone to...no, I will not think about her. She is out of my life and that’s that. I returned my attention to the television and tried to stay focus on this movie that had so much power over me. I soon found myself laughing hysterically.

  +++

  Alison had said that Saturday would be her last call to me and I never believed she would be able to pull that off, neither did I believe I would have gone through a whole month and not dialed her number once. For the first few days I check my phone constantly only to be disappointed. She just vanished into thin air. I went on the internet and searched for news of her because she was regularly featured on the social scene but there were no new updates.

  After the first two week I fell back into my regular home routines, taking Taila to school, get the groceries, pick up the dry cleaning, check in with the office, pick up Taila, take her to dancing and whichever activities she had after school while Sydney came home and rest before dinner. I loved my new role because I felt like a very valuable part of the family and it gave me a window into all that she had to do while I was working late at the office.

  It was a month and I was an excellent stay-at-home mom and I gave Sydney every reason to be proud of her decision to fight for me. Spoiling my girls was good distraction for me and with another baby possibly on the way, it will be all the distraction I needed. Sydney and Taila were happy; I made sure they were and every Friday afternoon there was a surprise on their beds, a present with something, anything. They loved surprises and I enjoyed just shopping around for the perfect gift. I smiled thinking about how excited they were be when they got home on a Friday afternoon, running to the bedroom to see what was there. That was
the only day Sydney picked up Taila from school.

  Things have warmed up a bit with my family but they were still at a distance somewhat. The only civil meetings we have had were the ones where I took Taila to see them but usually I would sit by myself and asked to be left alone. I know that if I forgave them then I would feel a lot more free because the burden of disappointment and unforgiveness would be lifted off me but I could not get to that point. Erika and I were all but estranged. Occasionally she would come by to spend time with Taila and Sydney would make a big deal about her visit but I would go to my office or somewhere else in the house until she was gone.

  I started to wonder if I was just blaming them for losing Alison but there were not really guilty of anything. I wanted them so desperately to understand what I was experiencing but they couldn’t look beyond their noses to just hear me instead I was left alone to go through something so intense and painful. Actually, I had to turn to the one person I shouldn’t have turned to, Sydney. She had been my strongest support since I met her almost seven years ago. We have been married for over six years and we were perfect. We are back to almost perfect. That’s how we appeared but no one knew the missing piece of my heart that continued to haunt me.

  I had not heard from Alison but there was not a day that I have not thought of her. I felt as though she was better off without me because she could no longer trust me. I wondered if she was dating or she was still in depression. I would prefer that she dated and tried to be happy because while the thought of someone else touching her was painful, I did not want her to spend the rest of her life hating me and stuck in the same place I was. Unable to let go. I tried to let go because there was no way back for us. She was my history so I could not understand what was retying her to me every time I pulled the knot. I missed her so much and there was no letting up.

  I sat in my office just killing some time as I wait to get Taila from school so I decided to design a treehouse for her so we could spend more time outside. I started the design and tried to make it as simple as possible so that Taila could understand the plan. My phone rang and it was the University where Sydney worked.

  “Hello?”

  “Logan Porter?”

  “This is she.”

  “Hi. This is Beverly calling from Ryler's. Your wife has taken ill and is currently being treated by our medical doctor…”

  “What's wrong with her?!” I asked and was already picking up my keys to my car. “Why isn't she at the hospital?”

  “The doctor is assessing her so if she thinks it is necessary she will ensure that she gets there.”

  “I'm on my way. Thank you,” I said and disconnected the call.

  I called my mother as I backed out of the garage.

  “Mom, can you please go by the school and get Taila. I have an emergency.”

  “Of course. What emergency?”

  “Will tell you later. I have to go.”

  I was so worried about my wife but I had to focus on the road to ensure that I got there safely. I asked myself what else could go fucking wrong in my life and wondered if I had done something bad in the past that I was being punished for. I hoped that Sydney was OK.

  I rushed straight to her office and someone met me there.

  “Miss Porter?”

  “Where is my wife?” I asked worriedly.

  “She is fine. She is just resting,” she reassured. “Come with me, please.”

  I walked with her to the room where Sydney was and saw her lying on the bed.

  “Baby…,” I said and rushed to her, hugging as kissing her lips. “What's wrong, honey.”

  “I am fine. What about Taila?”

  “My mom is going to get her. What happened to you?”

  “I was having some pains in my lower abdomen and throwing up. I feel very weak but…”

  “OK. I am taking you to the doctor.”

  “I saw a doctor.”

  “Hi, I am Dr. Carter. You must be Logan.”

  “Hi,” I said looking at her questioningly.

  “Sydney told me that you are in the process of trying to have another baby…”

  “Yes. We are. Is that the problem? Has the drug made her sick?”

  “You need to go back to your doctor and let her examine her and run some tests to see if there are any complications.”

  “Does she need to go to the emergency room?” I asked trying to read how much concerns this doctor had.

  “Baby, I am fine,” Sydney said.

  “There is no need to go to the emergency room at this point so just take her to her doctor. I have given her something to settle her stomach that is safe in case she is already pregnant and she said she is feeling better.”

  “Thank you,” I said and put on Sydney's shoes. “Are you OK to stand?”

  “Yes. I told you I am fine.”

  I let her stand and checked her balance. She seemed fine so I went with her to her office and got her things then led her to my car.

  “I can drive, Logan.”

  “Oh no you are not driving. Get in,” I ordered opening the passenger side of my car. “I will ask my brother to get yours later.”

  “I hope you didn't tell your mother about this because she is going to call my mother and you know how that will go.”

  “I didn't. I know the drill,” I laughed.

  Despite her objections I took her to see Dr. Brooks and a couple of quick tests revealed that Sydney was already pregnant but the doctor seemed to be concerned about the severe pain she was feeling but told us that it could possibly be from the implantation process. However, she ran some test and told us they would be ready in a couple of days but we should call if anything changes or go straight to the emergency room.

  “Dr. Brooks, Sydney had a difficult pregnancy the last time and I told her to find out from you if everything was OK to proceed. You told her she was fine.”

  “I am aware of her difficulties the last pregnancy and sometimes it is that way with a first time mothers. There is no red flag that could cause me to be concerned except that her last pregnancy was difficult and there were also no warning signs then. So of course there are risked based on…”

  “Take it out.”

  “What?” Sydney asked as if she was talking to a crazy person.

  “I am not prepared to take the risk. I should have gone. I will take my turn.”

  “But I am already pregnant.”

  “End it,” I said to the doctor. “I should not have agreed to this. The last time I was worried for the entire nine months.”

  “And our daughter is here and I am fine.” Sydney was upset.

  “Dr. Brooks, remove it and I will go.”

  “I can't proceed unless Sydney agrees.”

  “Baby,” I tried to reason. “I am scared. I don't want you to go through what you went through the last time. Please.”

  “No! What's wrong with you?” Her look made me start to wonder if I was overreacting.

  “I’m sorry. I am just worried. I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

  “Nothing is going to happen to me, honey. I am fine.”

  “OK.”

  We left the doctor’s office and I could feel me losing myself. I never got nervous or afraid but the situation with Alison had weakened me and now I was a mess, not even strong enough to hold my wife up while she takes on the huge responsibility of bringing our other child into the world. The first thing I went for was the easier, less complicated thing, termination. Sydney looked so disappointed in me and I was feeling depressed.

  “Logan? Baby are you alright?”

  “Yea. I’m fine. You will be home for two days so we can cuddle and hang out,” I said.

  “And make love,” she smiled.

  “I don’t know. Are you well enough? You can be kinda wild,” I smiled and the tension was easing away.

  “We could go slow if you are worried but I am telling you, I am fine,” she insisted.

  “OK. Then we will make love.”
r />   +++

  Sydney was right. I was paranoid for no reason because our baby was growing nicely from what the doctor explained to us from the ultrasound. Sydney had regular check-ups, more that most pregnant women and I knew that both Sydney and her doctor were doing it for my sake. This pregnancy was nothing close to what she experienced with Taila and I felt stupid for wanting to her to terminate our baby in the beginning out of fear.